The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
