Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
