my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
