so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
