I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
