i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
