By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
