Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
