Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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