He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
