If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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