so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
