perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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