dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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