Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
