I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
