Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
