I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
