OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
