6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
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