My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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