This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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