I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
