sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
