i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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