The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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