i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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