dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize