How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i think im in europe. pls send help
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
