I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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