He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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