There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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