i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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