in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
my poor anus
I love you. Go after that dick
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
