I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize