I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
