chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
