You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
