You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think I won the penis lottery.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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