its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
