the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
