I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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