i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
