I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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