i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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