one two three fourrrrnication!
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
