I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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