Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
