Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
