Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
