Don't you send me to vm
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
