I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
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