I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Blood and glitter go together right?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
