my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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