She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
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Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
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the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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