i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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