listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
