So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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