Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
