What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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