just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
