So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize