what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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