if i can run in heels then i can drive
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
