Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
its not stalking. its research.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
