Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
