dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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