how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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