Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
