here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize