Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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