Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
