I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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