I feel like I'm in dance class right now
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
