ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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